“Overdependence
makes you a cancer to yourself and others- cut that puppet string and free
yourself from terrible pain”… Mudiaga Eruotor
There’s a sense of
emotions pulling you in different directions, a nagging sense of worry that
never lets up, and losing your grip on that sense of who you are—the loss of
identity.
For some it’s
specific, for others it might not be so specific. The dependency might be
spread out over your peers, friends, family, co-workers, or parents.
Let’s start out
with this: dependency is not a weakness. It’s
actually healthy, as long as you can keep it balanced with independence.
We all sometimes need
to be taken care of, validated, encouraged, and given support. When we can
receive these things from others not in desperation and use them to nurture our
spirits, this is healthy dependency. When we draw strength from these
experiences, it allows us to more easily be independent at other times—relying
on and caring for ourselves, and being the one to support others
You might see it in
others—you know, those genuinely great people in your life who never admit to
being good enough.
When we try so hard
to constantly please someone else or over-depend on others, we start to become
unreal. Over-dependency gives us feelings of emptiness, inadequacy, loss,
confusion, and insignificance.
It is highly
victimizing to know or feel that your worth is far less or of very little value
in the other person’s eyes because of your situation of dependence, when
recognized in the person’s communication and reactions. Your self-esteem becomes
equivalent to a scrap in your eyes. Leverage on the fact that God blessed man
and man has potentials inside him.
Whatever your own
experience, over-dependence usually happens when we try to rely on someone in a
healthy way and get hurt instead of being supported. We try, the more we tend
to lose sight of ourselves. Slowly, we start trading our unique face for a
closet of masks and a set of puppet strings. It’s a cheap trade in the end
because we only get temporary approval where we needed unconditional acceptance,
support and love.
Listen to the small
voice inside you. It’s our warning for when things are becoming unhealthy. Be
aware of yourself and how you start to act and feel when you’re wrapped up in
pleasing others. Think honestly about how you’ve been caring for yourself
Try spending some
time with yourself to see if it clears your head. It’s also a good way to
mentally check your relationships. The healthy people in your life will give
you space when you need it, then be glad to see you return.
If you don’t do
this often you may live in self-pity, self-blaming, guilt tripping, or
desperate because of many disappointments.
Love yourself,
maintain a joyful disposition in and out and see that you are not in a race
with anybody, you are living your life and fulfilling destiny and all you would
become is a step away, Love others too and tell yourself no man is responsible
for sunshine or the air we breathe, so everyone can make impact and
revolutionize the world.
