UCANCER: OVERDEPENDENCY

“Overdependence makes you a cancer to yourself and others- cut that puppet string and free yourself from terrible pain”… Mudiaga Eruotor

There’s a sense of emotions pulling you in different directions, a nagging sense of worry that never lets up, and losing your grip on that sense of who you are—the loss of identity.

For some it’s specific, for others it might not be so specific. The dependency might be spread out over your peers, friends, family, co-workers, or parents. 

Let’s start out with this: dependency is not a weakness. It’s actually healthy, as long as you can keep it balanced with independence.

We all sometimes need to be taken care of, validated, encouraged, and given support. When we can receive these things from others not in desperation and use them to nurture our spirits, this is healthy dependency. When we draw strength from these experiences, it allows us to more easily be independent at other times—relying on and caring for ourselves, and being the one to support others

You might see it in others—you know, those genuinely great people in your life who never admit to being good enough.

When we try so hard to constantly please someone else or over-depend on others, we start to become unreal. Over-dependency gives us feelings of emptiness, inadequacy, loss, confusion, and insignificance.

It is highly victimizing to know or feel that your worth is far less or of very little value in the other person’s eyes because of your situation of dependence, when recognized in the person’s communication and reactions. Your self-esteem becomes equivalent to a scrap in your eyes. Leverage on the fact that God blessed man and man has potentials inside him.

Whatever your own experience, over-dependence usually happens when we try to rely on someone in a healthy way and get hurt instead of being supported. We try, the more we tend to lose sight of ourselves. Slowly, we start trading our unique face for a closet of masks and a set of puppet strings. It’s a cheap trade in the end because we only get temporary approval where we needed unconditional acceptance, support and love.

Listen to the small voice inside you. It’s our warning for when things are becoming unhealthy. Be aware of yourself and how you start to act and feel when you’re wrapped up in pleasing others. Think honestly about how you’ve been caring for yourself

Try spending some time with yourself to see if it clears your head. It’s also a good way to mentally check your relationships. The healthy people in your life will give you space when you need it, then be glad to see you return.

If you don’t do this often you may live in self-pity, self-blaming, guilt tripping, or desperate because of many disappointments.

Love yourself, maintain a joyful disposition in and out and see that you are not in a race with anybody, you are living your life and fulfilling destiny and all you would become is a step away, Love others too and tell yourself no man is responsible for sunshine or the air we breathe, so everyone can make impact and revolutionize the world.